So…I’m still here!

I’m sorry folks, I know I promised to write a big bad blog this year, but although I haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’m sorry to say that I’m still here and am still planning to do it. I STILL haven’t sorted out my complaint about an airline treating my partner like doo-doo, just because she has a disability. This is in part, due to the fact that it involves the SPECIAL company who arrange holidays for people with disabilities, the travel company who they booked our holiday with, the airline who that travel company seconded our flight to, even though they have hundreds of their own planes and the people who provided ‘assistance’ by throwing my partner around like an old sack-o’-spuds and leaving her actually sitting atop one of the seatbelt holders! They are all currently passing me from pillar to post and not accepting ANY responsibility. So anyway, if I EVER get around to doing this promised super-blog post, it will probably be about how, not that my partner is disabled, but how the whole world IS disabled. The more I look around, the more things I see that are made into barriers to keep disabled people OUT. We have rules now that say any new buildings must be made accessible to all, but so many companies have found ways AROUND those rules, by building their places into awkward shapes and putting ‘dividers’ about the place, to stop wheelchairs from getting anywhere near. Like one restaurant I know that has fixed seating by all the tables and you are not allowed to put a wheelchair on the end of the table as it’s ‘against the fire safety rules’ and they are legally allowed to (and do) enforce that rule. So in other words, NO wheelchairs are allowed in! Although it’s illegal to discriminate. Work that one out if you can!

WHOOPS! I nearly started writing a post right there and then. Sorry! Hope to see you all soon!

Humbugs for Christmas!

I would just like to take this opportunity to say that I hope all of my readers had a happy Christmas and to wish everyone a very happy New Years! for 2016 of course.

Maybe I should say ‘all of my reader’, as I’ve still not quite hit the big time, in the wobbly world of blogging and still haven’t grabbed many of you into reading and worshipping my every printed word. But I will keep plodding on, I’ve got something big in the pipeline and hope that people will want to read that. Possibly.

See you next year, dear reader(s)!

Have you ever wished you were ‘there’?

You know the thing. You get the latest holiday brochure for “Summer 2016″ or a Winter one, or ‘Lakes and Mountains” or “Citybreaks”. You sit there for an hour or so, poring over the pages full of images of beautiful, photoshopped blue skies and swimming pools and imagine yourself on one of the sunbeds, with a cool drink, while soaking up the [enter holiday destination here] sun. But then, you ACTUALLY make up your mind to do it and go on to book a holiday in THAT hotel. But when you get there, do you feel like you thought you would feel? Or do you, like I always do, feel that it’s just you, but in another place? Not quite the ‘paradise’ that you imagined? Your meticulously planned once-in-a-lifetime dream vacation, has let you down again.

You paid XXX amount of pounds, dollars or what have you, only to find that your room is full of cockroaches, the pool is just a big, wet space, full of cold water with bits floating on the top. The kids entertainment is so noisy all day, that you wish you had booked into an ‘adults-only’ resort and that’s even when you DO have kids of your own. The food is well, indescribable really. Not because it tastes bad, but because you cannot identify what ever THAT is, you know the lumps of some kind of meat you’ve never even seen before in a hot, brown sauce? At least it comes with rice. Well, I THINK that’s rice? Maybe? I wish everything like that had a label, so you can remember it to recommend to your friends (or warn them away from it)! Then you wish you hadn’t gone ‘all-inclusive’, as you get the same dishes every other day and not the top-quality local cuisine that you expected. I actually had a problem with ‘mosquito’ bites one year. I didn’t find out that mosquito bites don’t look like that, until I got home to find that actually they had been bed bugs! Eeww! Never going there again! I would love to know if there is actually ANYWHERE that is like the dream vacation, we all imagine we are going on?

One thing I do love now though, is Street-View. You know, on the online maps? Where you can actually ‘loiter’ outside your holiday location, to see where it is and even ‘walk’ around a bit. I also love to plan out where the shops and sights are, to save time when I’m there. It also puts me in the mood to want to be there quicker. Obviously there are some places that even they can’t show you, as it’s pedestrianised or something. Now when I come home from holiday, I have a look on there and suddenly wish I was back there! I’m sure the ‘roaches miss me, even if no-one else does!

I don’t do lists. So in light of that, here is mine.

1) Why does Christmas come around sooner every year? Oh I know there’s at least 365 days between each one, but they somehow ‘manipulate’ that for sure. I’m old yes, but not stupid enough to believe that there was more than 100 days since the last one. Maybe it’s a time thing. ‘Inflation’ or something like that!

2) Why do women secretly have this wish to wipe out or just blind the male population? Just because they appear to be shorter than us men, (I’m only 5’6”) and go around on cold, rainy and wintry days with the points of their umbrellas pointed at our eyes at an angle of about 45 degrees?

3) Why do people in London have this ‘London Weighting’ thing? They get paid more, just because it costs more to live there. I understand that. What I don’t understand, is why when I visit there, I don’t get paid more for the time I am there and have to pay grossly inflated prices for everything!

4) How does Santa enter our houses, now that chimneys are a scarce item in new properties?

5) Why do multi-storey car parks have to be made, so that when you drive around them, unless you can turn on a sixpence, you nearly bang into every wall and then have the tiniest spaces possible, with lots of dividing walls to cause even more scrapes?

6) Finally, why is Rudolph the only reindeer to participate in Red Nose Day?

I’d better stop now, or someone else on here may think I’ve stolen her list idea.

I wish someone would give me humbugs for Christmas, then I could go around offering one to everybody, saying ‘Bah, Humbug’?

Meanwhile, just remember that “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to feed and be fed in return”. (With apologies to Eden Ahbez).

Blogger blogging about bloggers

I know right? What a ridiculous title! But what it meeeeeans, is that I think as a blogger, I seem to be more successful at reading other peoples blogs and commenting on those. My best ideas come when I have just read someone else’s funny blog. Then I seem to be spewing words left, right and centre! When I have to do it myself. Well, it’s harder. I believe that this is, as I seemed to moan (jokingly) about a lot of things when I started out. For instance: https://puttingmyselfdown.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=2&action=edit  which was my first post, all about how much I dislike ring-roads as we call them. Especially the one around Norwich in the UK. Then there were posts about doggy-poop at the beach and mobile phones. All meant to tittilate and touch your funny bone, albeit with a serious undertone. Now I seem to have run out of things to moan about! I think that’s because I STILL moan about ring-roads and mobile phones in real life. The problems that make me laugh don’t seem to change much, but I can’t go on writing about them for ever, can I? New things do come up of course, like my latest dislike about air-travel. I HATE flying! I have flown, in total, for 25 hours! Yet the latest two of those hours (one flight) made me feel just as bad as the first hour. I don’t enjoy it, never have, never will. Mostly because of that strange feeling of nothing being below me. I like my terra-firma, to be a little firmer than that of an aircraft’s thin metal bits. Also, as I’ve never had a flight lasting more than two hours, (a lifetime for me), I’ve never gotten to enjoy the entertaintment system that long-haul routes seem to have. On my flights, it’s all coach and one tiny, weeny little screen for about 30-40 people in each section, if they have any at all!

Oh I’m sorry, I’ve just done it again haven’t I? I promise not to talk about flying again! Well not in this post anyway. Please feel free to read some of my earlier stuff and tell me of your ‘bugbears’, things you don’t like, or absolutely detest even! Who knows? My blog may even feature in there! I wouldn’t be at all surprised. I’ll leave you with this strange thought I have just had. If someone commits a crime on a road crossing, would the police put up those signs saying “Crime scene, do not cross”? Then you’d be stuck, wouldn’t you?

Anyway, must fly! Whoops!

PS Must just let you know that one of my favourite pastimes, when I get the time, which is only rarely now, is I have a FLIGHT SIMULATOR! It’s just a computer prog on this very machine, but I love it! It’s sort-of safer than ACTUAL flying, as you can go off and make a cup of tea or something if you get bored. Maybe that’s why I hate flying so much, as you have to climb into a real plane and risk life and limb in order to do it. Getting to the other end is the payoff I suppose, but then I can’t settle until I’m back at home, sitting in my favourite armchair, or on here, boring you lot (dear readers)! Oh no, I promised and here I am again. Shut-up about flying already Gilbo! I’m sorry. See you next week? Maybe?

Funny blog? Anyone? No?

Well, that’s it. I knew that last night’s blog post was the funniest thing that I have written in a while. So I just sat back and waited for the comments to come flooding in. “Great post”! “Yeah man, go you”! “Funniest thing I’ve read for years”! “I laughed so much, I ruptured my spleen”! Etc. Only, I’m still waiting for the FIRST comment to come flooding in. I have quite a few ‘likers’ and ‘followers’, but not many commenters. I decided that if I get no comments this week, that I am DEFINITELY, gonna give this whole blogging thing up. One day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, maybe not the week after the week after the week after that. But, oh blow it, I don’t know how the saying goes. I need to get more readers. Somehow…