Cromer – Jewel of what?

Disclaimer: I actually love Cromer (on the North Norfolk coast) & visit it a lot & a little thing like this will not put me off. Fish, chips & a pint on Cromer Pier is what makes a year a year. The following ‘rant’ is for entertainment purposes only.

(For those who don’t know cromer, it has cliffs, complete with sets of stone stairs, going from the top to the bottom & back again. There are also varying ramps, so you can wind your way up & down them).

When in Cromer, I like to do ‘physical jerks’. That is, I like to try to improve my fitness levels by going up the stairs & down the ramps, no need to go crazy now! Then, I go the opposite way, ending up back at the bottom of the stairs. (This is the ramps down by the beach huts & the stairs nearest to them, not the ones in front of the ‘Hotel De Paris’).

There’s just this one thing that puts me off. Well, I say ‘one thing’, but it’s multiples of that one thing that makes it worse. DOG POOP! Oh, sorry to shout there, but it really gets up my nose. Well, no, not actually ‘up my nose’ of course, because that would be much worse & nearly as bad as visiting the public loos that smell so bad, you try to ‘take your rubbish home with you’, like it says in the lay-by’s of Norfolk.

It tells you to clean up after your dog. But if your dog doesn’t clean up first, how can you be expected to clean up after it? Well you know what I mean. I once counted 17 different little ‘packages’ all the way down the ramps, some fresh, some not-so-fresh & some positively historic! I even took pictures! I posted these on social media to no avail & was going to send them to the local district council, Only I didn’t. I meant to. The road to hell is paved with good intentions & all that, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Be bothered.

I have nothing against animals of course, but rules is rules & their owners should have cleaned it up. What’s the point of trying to get tourists & holidaymakers to visit our beautiful county’s coastline, if it’s covered in poop? “Come to Cromer. Jewel of the North Norfolk Coast. Look at the dog poo”! Who’s gonna come here then?

I sometimes wish that this seaside town would move out of the Victorian/Edwardian era & into the twentieth-century at least, (most places seem to be shut by 4pm). But some people like it staying firmly rooted in the past. We once went to have a drink on the pier during ‘carnival week’. There was no chance of having a drink though, because everything shuts! No wonder they don’t make enough money if all the pubs/chip shops whatever are closed during one of the biggest days of the year (during the procession). I don’t suppose they’re closed all week, ‘cos that would be daft. Wouldn’t it?

Oh & don’t get me started on those darned windmills. “Cheap electricity for all”? Like hell it is. It costs more to have ‘green energy’ than it does the messy old coal-fired way, etc. They even try to say that people will come to Cromer & Gt. Yarmouth to ‘see’ the windmills! Like hell they will. Tourists coming to look at big windmills? What a load of nonsense! They’ve destroyed our beautiful vistas of looking out to sea. Now you just look out to see windmills!

Cromer, North Norfolk. Land of poop & wind. Oh give me a break! Preferably a wind-break, so I don’t have to look at it! (I think I should say again, that I love it really & I’m only semi-serious).

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